Glad

I am glad my parents don't care. They don't care about anything I wear or do. I have freedom. I wore one of my favorite shirts today. I was called lesbian for it, but I don't care. I stopped caring. I stopped thinking, caring, wondering, assuming, and pondering anything. I am in the moment. The now. Yet, I feel alone. hah Alone in the present, yet surrounded by people. I am lonely. I come home, and I want to sleep and never wake up. I want to hide, and never be found. It all changes when I go to school. For those few hours I am in a bubble of socialness. I have been thrust into it, and even watching those around me be happy, makes me happy.

Physical pain seems to follow me. If it isn't my shoulder, it is my knee. If it isn't my knee it is a headache. There is always something. I don't like taking advil. I take too much too fast. It will kill me one of these days. I know it. My friend thinks I like am going to OD on Advil. hahah

People stopped hurting me a long time ago. It just makes me tired. Not mad, sad or angry, tired. I was called a bitch seven times today, a lesbian at least twice that, stupid five, whore twice, and a slut once.

I sound depressed.

My lab partner was sick today. So I asked this other guy. I think I scared him... I over do the fake happy thing. It isn't really fake happy. I am hyper and on a social high. When I am around kids my age, I am happy and fun. Otherwise I act "goth" or so people call it.

Back to the guy. He barely talked, and did not look me in the eye. lol Poor kid. I just went up to him and asked if he had a lab partner. I do that to people. Give them no other option, they just can't say no. Literally.