Oh my life

The life of me... It is so boring, yet hectic. So adventurous, yet reserved. Ok. I'm done. lol I sometimes wonder if everything is worth it. Every one talks about their futures and envisions themselves in their respective careers. I can sometimes do it, but my range of focus rarely drifts past the preceding day.

My dreams of medical school seem so distant, yet so very near. hah This is not some poetic analogy. The thought of being in medical school seems so far off that I wonder if I will ever make it. While the lingering nervousness about the loans that happen to be synonymous with medical school, make the thought seem so near.

Without a job, car or license, my life seems ever so dull and lacks the preparation for my future it so desperately needs. I wonder if I wasn't so controlled by my parent's worries if I would be different.

Not only do they fret about me and boys, they fret about grades, and other such items. They have gotten better, and ever since I started school, they seem to basically not care at all. At. All.

It is quite sad how much they have dropped off, with out conversations barely scratching the surface of our daily lives. Of course my mother has begun to open up about everything, but now I feel alone with no one to talk to. I have worries and concerns, and my best friend is even MIA.

Ugh. I am also so tired.

Makeup

I swear, children these days are going crazy.

Example 1) There are three 13 year olds that have kissed 16-19 girls/guys. You have got to be kidding me. Oh! I was telling my friend that, and supposedly you can get oral herpes. I started laughing. It is seriously a thing. Mainly from um... well think about it, but you can transmit it from kissing. I was laughing to hard....

Example 2) Every 12-13 year old I know has had at least 2 "boy friends" or "girl friends." Um... It speaks for itself.

Example 3) When I was 13/14 one of my friends had sex with her boyfriend. I don't think I have been shocked as much as then. I had just gotten my first kiss... I don't know if I have just really innocent friends, but 14 is really young. I don't care who you are.

I am not judging, and I think it is just the norm for all this. Not example 3, but the other two. Dating and kissing are just being pushed towards younger kids. At 13 I remember flirting and kissing A guy. Singular.

I have just been in a bad mood all weekend. I keep dwelling on the fact that my ex or sorta ex (We never really dated) ignores me and my bff. If we had just been bf/gf that would have been fine to ignore me. We were all BEST FRIENDS. That isn't used loosely with us. Now it is just CaitiCat and me. ):

I never got sad about losing him. I got sad and angry at the things he said, just not that he left. I did tell him I didn't want to talk to him right then, but he knew that I was going through a horrible time. I know I shouldn't tell someone that, then expect it to go back to normal. I guess I don't want it to either.

It was like, we had huge fights, then tried to make up, and we did for the most part. Then he got pissed, and we both said things. Ugh. Now I feel confused.

How could we be so close, and know all of each other's secrets. Yet all that is left, is a couple photos, and other things. That is all.

On a brighter note? Wait nope. My weekend has been boring.

I can't say "I love you!" to guys anymore. I think the word love scares them...

Late Start

UGH! A late start? Really? Come on. No one wants shortened periods when we have a CHEM TEST. I need more time as it is, now we get like 15-20 min less. >.< Great.

"Stop being sarcastic." "I'm not sarcastic..."

hah I was being super sarcastic yesterday. -not good- Although I didn't get grounded. win.

Medical school? Oh yeah. I am looking at some. Go me? haha I have no clue what I want anymore. I always wanted to be a doctor... Johns Hopkins, University of Iowa, Mercer, Harvard, Stanford, UPenn, UGA, etc... They all have either a medical school, or pharmacy school. Quite a range. haha UIowa is mostly my top choice. It is also the cheapest...

Lately I have been so tired. I just wish I could be more upbeat and alive.

Miss Caiti Cat never posts on her blog, so... (:

2010

20 Favorite Memories From 2009.

1) Talking on the phone with Ben right at 9:01 for hours. lol FREE MINUTES!
2) Sectionals. That was... interesting.
3) All those days in the backyard swinging with B this summer.
4) Going to GA and just laying there getting eaten by ants.
5) Swim Meets this fall.
6) Joking about flirting with those guys, then me being the only one to do it.
7) Staying up way to late talking to Ben. Then getting married and engaged.
8) Cait, Ben and I sharing starbucks cause they need to make smaller sizes for me and Cait.
9) Getting married to Brandon!! <3
10) The swim meets over the summer, when I was the only one to get to swim with the boys.
11) Rays Swim team as a whole. lol
12) Ben licking my straw.
13) Cait and I going to the mall!!
14) Cait and I staying up way to late on halloween, me falling asleep, and mountain dew livewire!
15) Being so excited for snow.
16) Cait and I staying up til 4 talking one night.
17) Telling guys I thought they were hot...
18) Coming home after Boston!!!!!!!
19) Truth or Dare with Ben. rofl THAT IS BURNED INTO MY MEMORY.
20) Everything!!

My days

Snow day! I don't think I have ever been more grateful for snow. Thank goodness my chem test was pushed back. Hopefully we have school tomorrow though.

I finally have people to sit with at lunch. They are awesome, and I don't feel like I have to continually be fake. Which was me for a long time.

Smuggling coke into school? No. Not that kind. The soda. lol No one really knows if you can bring soda, but a lot of people do, including me. I need caffeine to survive not falling asleep in 4th block. It is so boring.

Not to mention he turns off the light and just drones on and on, and then we have to take notes??? Turn back on the lights!! haha

My glasses are killing me slowly. I swear. I need contacts, because I look "goth."

Other than that... I don't do anything else. School. Swim. Sleep.

I might join theatre club or something. I used to love my drama club, before I moved. hmm... I NEED TO DO SOMETHING. Not that I have time, but something fun.

I convinced my mother to let me go full time next year. YAY! AP Bio, AP Chem, AP Calc, and something else... Or I will do 3/4 there and two classes at college. It could work.

It is scary, next year will be my last. *sniff*

Swim?

Oh yes. Swim meet. I finally got a 28 in my 50 Y free!! I was literally jumping up and down with excitement. Then I slipped and fell...

Other than that, the meet was fun, but seemed to last way too late. I got 1st in 100 back, so that will be nice. I love blue ribbons, even if we only had two swimmers in that event. :D

I have my second day of school. That is awkward to say, seeing I am a sophomore. Oh that too. I AM A SOPHOMORE?!? When did that happen? When they looked at my birthday... On the bright side, I can take the PSAT next year. That is kinda crazy. It is weird being with people my age.

I guess I feel young now. I have more options I suppose. I still want to graduate early, because I really have nothing more to take, unless I get advanced. I mean after Calc next year, there is nothing. After AP Bio and AP Chem, there is nothing, and etc.

"You are a sophomore?! Oh. Well we can't go out now. I only date older women." "Um.... First, you have a girl friend. Second, you are a sophomore." "So?"

That was a funny conversation... You had to be there. Really.

First Blog Post

First blog post, my millionth blog. I didn't really get back into blogging once Ben and my blog died. haha

I went into American Eagle, and finally got some jeans. Thank goodness, because all my jeans I can wear are at least 2-3 years old. That doesn't seem long, but they are falling apart. One pair doesn't have a pocket anymore....

My weekend?

So. I got to spend the weekend hearing about how I am stupid, shy, and can't do anything right, because I was homeschooled. Yep. That's it. I was home schooled, and that is why I don't talk to you. Maybe it is because everything that comes out of your mouth is a racist comment, or a comment directed at me or my mother's stupidity. Perhaps it is about the comments that remark about overweight people, and asking my mother if her favorite store was the Cheesecake Factory. Oh wait! Maybe it was your thoughts about how you hate every other religion but your own, when I just told you that I had friends that were of other religions. Nope, none of those reasons. It was because I was homeschooled.

My grandparents were in town. I guess they think I am stupid, shy, and will fail out of graduate school when the time comes. Plus, they hate me.

On a brighter note, my first day at school, I didn't die. It was actually pretty fun, not as bad as I thought, and I have yet to encounter anyone... nevermind. lol